I was denying my partner.
I was withholding sexual intimacy, depriving us both of connection and affection.
I wasn't simply suffering from a lack of turn on, I was actively turned off.
All the small things started to grow giant, feeding off my discontent, resentment rising.
Everything about him was increasingly irritating and repulsive and I was more and more bitch like and cruel. My words barbed. My body cold.
We were bound to be separated soon, I knew I couldn't leave things in such a dismal and disconnected state.
So we started trying to engage sexually,
and our efforts were awkward and depressing for us both.
I discouraged him further, blaming him and turning statuesque.
After days and numerous attempts eventually I began to open, coaxing myself to the surface of my skin, willing myself to feel again.
Through a mixture of sensual strokes and energetic touches, sweet & passionate words and relaxed embraces gradually my body started to tingle, become electrified, engorged with erotic energy.
and when he entered me the sensations were exquisite, stealing our breath and returning it in waves and sounds, gasping at the beauty of it, we spilt sorrow and thanks, in awe of this incredible holy pleasure within our bodies.
Nuanced orgasmicness rippling out from between my thighs, it was completely blasphemous how I could let such feelings die, wither, denied and deprived.
And in the afterglow we were changed.
I was patient, compassionate & lighthearted, he was generous, considerate and loving.
You see sex should be treated as a spiritual practice, a compulsory aspect of everyday life.
Not something you wait until you are miraculously in the mood for, you don't do that in other areas of your life so why apply that inefficient method to your basic sexual spiritual hygiene?
Sex should be recognised as a critical component to inspire your best self.
Conscious sex can lubricate our communication and relating.
.. it can provide a conducive compassionate environment for heart centered dialogue,
... it can infuse your relating with more kindness and play - two overlooked absolute essentials in successful relationships.
We block ourselves when we are rigid in our belief that verbal reconciliation needs to occur before physical intimacy.
Waiting to "be in the mood" can be the ultimate relationship death trap.
Let your bodies speak
first, then your minds
you'll be surprised at the results.
A lot of tension can be dissolved by wholesome sex, nourishing sex, intimacy in which you make love with your hearts and breath, it doesn't need to be intercourse, just meaningful embodied connection & exploration.
Sometimes sex is just like green vegetables
You don't feel like it but it's good for you.
& you're always grateful afterwards when your shit gets unstuck and your spirit starts to shine through again.
Sex is a spiritual practice and should be recognised as such, religiously adhered to like prayer, administered and prescribed as medicine and honoured as an incredible tool to awaken, heal and transform suffering into love.
Make your day better,
* All this applies to sensual self cultivation as well, but that's a whole other blog.
* I'm not advocating overriding your internal guidance but learning how to recognise resistance to something that will serve you.
© Copyright 2017 ~ ALANA LOUISE MAY All Rights Reserved
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