Image by Aaron Tsuru

Image by Aaron Tsuru


The biggest threat to our sexuality is shame.

Shame corrodes our orgasmicness.

Shame is the antithesis to pleasure.


We have been raised in a society where sexuality is synonymous with shame.

The sacredness of sex has been replaced with shame.

Pervading our sexuality is the idea that authentic sex, desire and pleasure are inherently dirty, sinful, naughty, animalistic, lower impulses and things to be hidden.


We are plagued by desires and dogma relating to sexuality that render us incapable of deep intimacy with our lovers and ourselves, that distort our sexual experiences and cause them to deplete us, hurt us, leave us feeling unclean and heavy with shame.


Shame clogs up the pipes of our internal plumbing system.


If you think of the body as a complex network of tubes - much like the lymphatic vessels - an obstruction within those tubes would pose many problems.

Like a damn in a river system, the flow on ripple effect effects the entire ecosystem.

Shame acts like old shit - mucoid plaque - hardening within the pipes of our intestines, blocking the flow.

The sewerage of shame festers in the dark isolation of secrecy and rejection.


By going into the dark stench and loving it, rolling around in it - expressing it - moving with it,

-  going beyond mere acceptance but actively getting off on it -

… and erotically adoring the sticky shitty parts of our sexual shame -

We liquefy that shit and reinstate flow as our pipes unblock.

We integrate lost and suppressed parts of ourselves and thus become more whole and therefore powerful.

We access more of our pleasure and orgasmicness, spiritual connection and heart centered intimacy.


Adopting a non-judgemental mindset is paramount to excavating shame.

The more we judge these parts of ourselves and deem them disgusting and unworthy of love -

- The more we are suppressing key facets of our sexuality, and we all know what we resist, persists.

So the longer we lock our beasts in the dark ... the uglier and hungrier they become…

and when they eventually rear their heads to seek the nourishment and attention they need, the more devastating their behaviour will be, causing us to act out in ways that harm and distress ourselves and others.


The cycle of shame often continues as we self-hate harder and banish our demons deeper in the dungeons of our shadowy, shamey selves.


What we need is to create a safe space to explore our sexual shame with ourselves, or with qualified practitioners or our lovers.

We need to prepare to be vulnerably honest, to be daringly compassionate and wildly courageous as we explore our own personal taboos and trauma.


A great tool to activate these energies safely in a sexual setting is to utilise the power of conscious dirty talk. (Stay tuned for that blog.)

...and other tools to explore further such as, self inquiry via specific journalling practices, embodiment practices, rituals, talk therapy, meditation, + various body work & healing modalities targeted towards sexual healing, trauma recovery and shame integration.


When we commune with these parts of ourselves in such a way their power over us diminishes - it does not increase (as our fear would tell us.)

We need to dialogue with our demons and feed them - not ignore them and punish them.

They need love and affection just like any other part of ourselves, and as as we do this we take them from the shadows into the light.

Getting off on our kinks consciously frees us.

It is impossible to shame a woman who is unashamed.
— Eryn Amel


Liberating the freak affords us much more power in the world, enriching sexual experiences and more open hearted connection in our lives.

Detoxing our system of sexual shame & under going shame excavation is necessary on the path of liberation and holy hedonism + reinstalling the sacredness in our sexuality.


© Copyright 2017 ~ ALANA LOUISE MAY All Rights Reserved


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Image by Aaron Tsuru