Whilst facilitating Erotic Empowerment the other night, it was clearly reflected back to me that I emanate a positive body image.
I realised that I offer women a direct transmission of body love & acceptance.
Confidence shone through my flesh, the comfortability I felt in being seen naked was palpable. My appreciation and pleasure was translated through the way I moved and held myself.
This can be quite confronting for women to witness; a woman in her full sexual expression without any inhibitions, but even more confronting is the fact that I don’t have a stereotypically sexy body. I don’t have a flat stomach or smooth, toned thighs. I have fat rolls with all the trimmings, nothing about me is perfect.
And yet I can move in my body in a way that arouses men and women alike, I can sit naked and let my belly, breasts and thighs spill out all over the place.
As a young girl I was called a man because of my muscular physique and strength.
I had a moustache at the age of 11 which saw me relentlessly teased and very self conscious.
I was laughed at for my paler than pale skin
My fly shit freckles
The way my nose tilts upwards and makes me look like a witch
My bug eyes, my bung eyes
My hairy legs
At the age of 12 I started to diet. Exercise was a regime I followed militantly.
I binged. I yo-yoed. I was never happy with the way my body was.
I sucked in my belly all day long. Never quite breathing fully.
I used to hack at my legs with a razor blade, I deserved to be punished for all of my ugliness.
I would scream and cry at my reflection in the mirror.
Every hair on my skin was examined and removed viciously. My skin was tinted with chemicals to look sun kissed.
I travelled. I put on weight. I stopped wearing make up religiously.
I went from vintage dresses pinched in tightly at the waist to baggy harem pants and loose t shirts.
I was ashamed of my body. I was angry at myself, for “letting things go”.
I know that my story is not unique, in fact my story is timid and minute compared to what many women suffer in relation to their beautiful bodies.
And that is FUCKED.
We all came from a woman's body.
Woman gave us life.
From her blood we were brewed, from her flesh we broke forth into existence. It is such an atrocity the way we condemn women to a life of disconnection.
We distance her from the power of her body, by making it a dangerous place for her to abide in.
The hatred runs too thick, the disappointment feels too heavy, the judgement yells too loudly.
It hurts for a woman to truly be present in her body in this society.
Because then she starts to feel the crimes that have been committed, the trauma that has been collected, the suffering that has been waiting for atonement.
She realises she has a responsibility to uphold, She is the manifestation of God, She is now a woman and not a child, and that her evolution relies on her commitment to herself.
Her self love.
Once she starts to excavate the pain, she starts to feel the pleasure she has been denying with her masculine gym practise and low calorie snacks.
She starts to tingle, her skin becomes hot, she flushes with waves of sensation that steal her breath.
What a wondrously dangerous thing it is, to wake up.
And wake up is exactly what I started to do.
I dove into feminine embodiment and started to shake it all off. Slowly and then rapidly.
Off the shame and conditioning flew with my wild sweat, it dripped off, I danced it off, I screamed, howled and roared it off, I cried it goodbye, I moaned it away.
I fucked myself with wild abandon until I was consumed with pleasure, purified by pleasure, released from this prision by pleasure.
Through the alchemy of pleasure and love I dissolved a lifetime of shame.
In becoming a woman, my body had changed in ways that no one warned me it would.
Every time I visited an old photo I remorsed at how beautiful I was but didn’t know it.
I wasnt going to let that pattern continue.
All I ever have is the Now.
I stopped giving a fuck.
I began to treasure this flesh, these powerful tissues and nerve endings and bones, this structure that allowed me to be.
This body that could feel so much pleasure, that could be spasming in ecstasy and dripping with sweat and cum.
This body that could endure so much suffering and pain.
This body that gave so much, that was so forgiving and generous.
This body that was moaned over, drooled over, coveted, worshipped and adored by lovers.
This body that is sacred. And this body that is flawed. But it is the only one I will have in this lifetime.
I am a womanly vessel of god.
How could I hate such a glorious thing?
To the women that don’t like what they see in the mirror, that torture themselves with unrealistic diets and perfectionist goals,
You are missing out on what's available to you right now.
Find the feminine embodiment work that suits you, there is so much available. Decide to accept and adore the body that houses you. Flood yourself with pleasure until you have no choice but to surrender to the bliss of being in your body.
Remember the power of your body. It can give and take life. It is made of the earth and stars.
Choose to stop giving so many fucks.
Be proud of your womanly self.
It is your birthright to stand tall and moan loudly.
You are delicious.
Just as you are.
If you want to fall in love with your body sexually, sensually and irrevocably - subscribe to stay updated about Erotic Empowerment or email/msg me directly. Also Dancing Eros and Orgasmic Hearts are two powerful feminine embodiment programs that helped me immensely on this journey, check them out too. And buy my book when it's written! Definitely do that!
Photos credit of Aleira Moon xxx