The era of me sleeping with dickheads is over.
The moment I announced this to my friends they all cheered whoops of joy and choruses of "about times".
Since I was a young girl I desired love so deeply, I craved attention, I longed for intimacy and communion and so I constantly put myself in dangerous and degrading situations.
Always ready to accept anything that came my way, legs spread, pussy wet.
But my heart remained empty, heaving and sighing, a cavernous pit, grieving from the eternal wound of love.
As I stumbled along this path and began the journey of self love, my consciousness started to rise and I became more in tune and sensitive, more receptive to life, to energy.
One night stands no matter how steamy or sensual or erotic or heart centered and loving seemed to leave me deflated the next day, drained. Strange moods would pass over me. Sicknesses would appear.
I couldn't work it out.
Turns out I was wasting a whole heap of life force, instead of replenishing it.
Turns out I was carrying that mans energy and it was manifesting through my emotions, thoughts & physical health.
Shantam Nityama speaks about the fact that whatever consciousness a man is at when he lies down with a woman, he impregnates her with that vibration and soon enough she births that.
Whatever level a man is vibrating at is entering the woman and she is receiving that into the core of her being, she is becoming that and creating that in her world.
Whatever is going on for him, whether he's thinking about porn or dinner or the cricket - he is filling you with that on an energetic level.
Women are giving birth to insanity all over the place.
We are so disconnected and unconscious that men aren’t even recognising their own metaphorical children anymore, madness and chaos. women have no idea what they've created and what they are subscribing to.
This is far more than just getting some.
Unconscious sex is keeping the planet in a loop of insanity and suffering.
And with that I’ve thrown in the towel.
I am done.
I am abstaining from sex with any other men until I can discern a man of substance from a man without.
A man of substance is highly conscious, a man surrendered to God - to forces far bigger than us, he will be following his purpose & have something important to offer the planet.
I will know him because his words will penetrate me so deeply with truth that my vagina will be dripping and my heart will be beating with arousal.
I will want him to impregnate me with his energy, his vibration, I would be honored to birth his intentions and hopes and dreams and trust that he is helping me to birth my own.
The vagina is the seat of a woman's consciousness, be mindful of what you fill it with.
“"What ever I'm hoping in consciousness while I'm having sex with a woman I'm seeding her with that, she's going to give birth to it shortly. When I'm being with a woman, I'm always planting her with the highest seeds that I can even conjure in my mind or conceive of. Every time I'm with her I'm planting an oasis inside of her for her to give birth to. shes gonna find herself living in a world that I have created inside of her and she will be overjoyed the day that she sees the sprouts coming up." Shantam Nityama (paraphrased)
*Dickhead. N. A person disconnected from their higher self, operating at a low vibrational setting, lacking consciousness.
Oh and yes women can be dickheads too, I've been one.
Since having written this I have gained a more holistic view of the situation, including the role that women play. Here is a more in depth and matured read: How Conscious Sex Can Change The World
If you're interested: http://www.nityama.com/